i ditched the evidence right quick. the deed was done way faster than the debate took getting to the decision. i saw it coming. i pretended i could ignore it, or turn my head, close my nose, my eyes, tongue. i could just walk away.

i was feeling so smug. i’d done everything right, you know. followed all the rules, done all the things, the boring, bland, basic things. i kept the faith that this was the Right Path, or at the very least that there was indeed a path under me. the walk was nice, the view so rich with color and life.

i was busy counting my karmic points, admiring the scenery and smiling to myself.

then it was in my hand.

then it was gone.

gone, too, all the ‘progress’ all the ‘improvement’ all the clarity. all the strength. all the will.

i wondered how it could ever be possible to be free from it. to sit quietly near it, and enjoy its presence. to feel its warmth, and yet not be consumed by its fire.

i wondered if i would ever find a place where it couldn’t taunt me. a place where i could relax, let go, stretch my legs, rest.

and there, i find it, in my hand.